Still(a)Life#35: Freedom is the Luxury to Reinvent

Still Life: The Corona Diaries of an Existential Therapist.
Sometimes I learn more from my clients than they learn from me. This week a client was asking herself “What do we define as our greatest luxury?” Her answer to her own question was “freedom”. We spoke about the freedom of movement, to travel and visit the people we love. We also talked about the…

Still(a)Life#34:Invitation inward.

Still Life: The Corona Diaries of an Existential Therapist.
Today I was asked on radio “How are people dealing with all the uncertainty?” I don’t really have a straightforward answer to that. What I can say is that “uncertainty” is inherent to our everyday existence. Corona, however, is certainly the starkest confrontation with this uncertainty most of us have ever encountered. But, on any…

Still(a)Life#33: Ships in the Night

Still Life: The Corona Diaries of an Existential Therapist.
Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing, Only a signal shown and a distant voice in the darkness; So on the ocean of life we pass and speak one another, Only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence. This is an extract from a 1874 poem…

Still(a)Life#32: Letting Go

Still Life: The Corona Diaries of an Existential Therapist.
I came downstairs from my last session of the day to find Fiona sifting through a lifetime of photographs. She wanted to know how to decide what to keep and what to chuck. I didn’t have a very helpful answer. In the end, we settled on imagining that, if she were writing her life story,…

Still(a)Life#31: On Writing and Listening

Still Life: The Corona Diaries of an Existential Therapist.
It has been interesting to write for 30 continuous days. I find myself writing on most days but this writing is usually a bit more focused on things outside of me. Mostly a reflection on a client’s circumstance. Sometimes a love letter. Now and again an erotic thought. I have tried not to write these…

Still(a)Life#30: Coming Out of Hiding

Still Life: The Corona Diaries of an Existential Therapist.
While we collected wild fermenting guavas off the driveway, Josh found the courage to start telling me things he has been experiencing lately. Somehow the shared task made it easier for him to talk. He asked me questions about my own parent’s divorce and we seemed to find a sense that we’re in this together.…

Still(a)Life#29: Conditional Arising

Still Life: The Corona Diaries of an Existential Therapist.
“Life is the sum of all our choices” said Camus. Today I spoke to a man about to make the biggest decision of his life. Rather, it is perhaps true to say that he feels that the decision is making him. Lockdown is not an easy time to make life changing decisions. But, at the…

Still(a)Life#28: The Plague

Still Life: The Corona Diaries of an Existential Therapist.
When I first started my practice in Johannesburg, I used to make sure that I was always wearing a good pair of shoes. I was young and needed to be taken seriously. Clients spend an inordinate amount of time staring at your feet. Especially when you ask the more difficult questions. The other day I…

Still(a)Life #27: “As your lover describes you, so you are.”

Still Life: The Corona Diaries of an Existential Therapist.
“Through others, we become ourselves” said Vygotsky. As children, we develop cognitively and emotionally through interaction with our caregivers. This does not, however, end in childhood. As adults, the relationships we find ourselves in continue to shape who and how we are. Jeannette Winterson wrote that “As your lover describes you, so you are”. It…

Still(a)Life #26: A Rebellion Deep Inside

Still Life: The Corona Diaries of an Existential Therapist.
Compliance is, mostly, a good thing. It allows for cohesion. Over-compliance, however, risks hiding things. My son was distressed the other day and couldn’t get hold of me. He apparently said “I never want to see Dad again”. My heart sank when I heard that. But, I am learning the value of the freedom to…