Dear Clients [current & future],
As we enter into a “new year”, a renewal, I would like to revisit what it is that therapy is, perhaps, about. The word “renewal” does not only imply to “make new”, or to “begin again”, but also to simply resume: to go on. Much of therapy is about finding ways to simply carry on. As I enter into the final months of my PhD in Philosophy and Psychoanalysis, supervised by some of the leading thinkers in the field (through GCAS), I am more and more opposed to ideas of diagnosis and cure when considering how to address the struggles that we face. As Jean Paul Sartre wrote “Everything has been figured out, except how to live.” In developing my approach to therapy – Contemplative Existential Analysis – I am increasingly concerned with questions of how to live, rather than how to be “cured” or even how to be supposedly “normal”. “For if there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.” (Albert Camus). Psychology seems to have become our new priesthood and, in its sermon, provides the false promise of eternal happiness – if you just follow its prescribed self-affirming steps. The therapy I invite you to join moves away from happiness as the goal, focusing on awareness: on what it means to be conscious creatures. Our struggles that have traditionally been divided up into diagnostic categories are reconsidered as hints of what it means to be human.
Whether we are dealing with relationship struggles, addiction, grief, trauma, depression or anxiety – I invite us to, first and foremost, be human, together. In being human together, the focus is not on the individual person as the “problem” but on our struggles with what it means to exist within the context of our own lives. This requires bringing awareness to the relationships that shape our lives: the relationships of the past, the relationships in your present, the relationship you have with your own self and the relationship you have with the idea of a future. Even though our conversations welcome an awareness of these relationships into the room, the actual people in your current life are always welcome to join you in person. This also means that we must appreciate that you and I are entering into a particular relationship. Although this relationship is somewhat contrived, as you are paying me to be available to you, I have learned to deeply value the nature and intensity of this relationship. I am learning to pay more attention to this relationship, reflecting on it with you as we go along. There are also certain practical considerations in the maintenance of this relationship. These considerations are more relevant than ever given that we are moving into an increasingly virtual world. I would, therefore, like to request that we uphold the following:
- To start our sessions timeously (a note to self).
- To stick to the prescribed time frame of the sessions. After much consideration, sessions will revert to the classical “therapeutic hour”, which is 50min. I have found that this structure gives the conversation enough impetus for us to get to a meaningful place in each conversation.
- If we are meeting online: to try and always meet in a space that is comfortable and private enough, free from distractions (closing all other browsers, windows, or messaging apps); with a clear view of each other (to allow for body language) and a good enough connection (keeping in mind that this is not always possible in South Africa). It is preferrable that you are not eating a chicken pie over the dashboard of your car in your lunchbreak.
- In the past, clients have been able to book ad hoc sessions with me. However, I find that it is much more constructive for us to approach your concerns in a more deliberate way – to commit to either weekly (ideally at first) or fortnightly sessions on a particular set day or time.
Outside of this structure I would, however, encourage us to try other formats of therapy. I have found, for example, that walking and talking are very good practices. It has been very helpful to take walks with clients, even when we are in different cities or landscapes (again, it helps to share a visual of this experience). I also encourage written reflection on our meetings and you are welcome to send me some of your written thoughts, accounts of your dreams, letters to people in your life, or questions you are busy with. I am unlikely to have enough time to send detailed replies, but I will make sure I take a look at these so that we can go through them in our sessions. I am also busy with my own writing, and you may make an anonymous appearance. I will, however, always share anything I write about our sessions with you.
Lastly, I would encourage you to join us on retreat to make the most of a Contemplative Existential Analysis. You are invited to come and self-retreat at any stage at our suburban retreat centre The Centre for Purposeful Living. Couples and families are also welcome to book in for a live-in therapy experience. We will be hosting more structured therapeutic retreats later in the year. Please let us know if you are interested. In addition to our own retreats, I offer two annual (post)Buddhist retreats in the incredible settings of renowned Buddhist Centres. The first will be from the 20th-24th March 2024 at Emoyeni, on the northern slopes of the Magaliesberg mountains; and the second will be from the 6th-11th September 2024 at the Buddhist Retreat Centre in Ixopo, at the foothills of the Drakensberg. These retreats involve a merging of Secular Buddhist practice with Existential Philosophy.
I look forward to our encounters this year.
“The end is in the beginning and yet you go on.” – Samuel Beckett.
Sincerely,
Jason